This week in As the Trump Spins, former President Barack Obama guest stars. You see, Barack Obama is a bad hombre who did many horrible things as the ruler of this country. Mr. Trump spent the week accusing our villain, the Muslim socialist, of acting like Richard Nixon and Joe McCarthy.
In one of his trademarked (issued by China) tweet rants, Mr. Trump accused Obama of having his fortress of solitude, Trump Tower, wiretapped. Of course, there was no evidence provided. What is the point of having minions if you don’t make them do the dirty work? As commanded, they went forth on the Internet searching for the proof to make their master glow with tangerine hues and they found their conclusive evidence.
This was not all. Mr. Trump again tweeted that Obama was even worse by releasing 122 rabid terrorists from Guantanamo who went back to their wicked ways. Obama, being the shifty insurgent that he was, snuck into Guantanamo and released them before he was inaugurated so that the unsuspecting voters would think that George W Bush did it.
We again have a new wonderful Muslim ban that does the same thing but with slightly less authoritarianism. Unfortunately, Mr. Trump is being attacked by that distant, remote part of Kenya known as Hawaii. You know who’s from Hawaii? Barack Obama. That sneaky rascal did it again!
We’ve again had some not-so-domestic terrorism with more Jewish graveyards being vandalized and community centers being threatened with bombs, a Sikh man was murdered, and we have children being separated from parents at illegal border crossings. Nevermind on that last one, that’s a Republican administration policy being proposed. Nothing to see… move along.
Some ambitious hackers have found new ways to make a few coins by hacking leftist organizations and blackmailing them. WikiLeaks released documents that detail how the CIA hacks computers and other electronic devices. According to the Republican administration and conservatives, these are the good guys. With friends like this, who needs enemies?
Speaking about the Republican administration, they continue to amaze us with their brilliant intellect. Scott Pruitt, head of the EPA, declared that CO2 is not the primary cause of climate change and that we should ignore the oil companies hiding behind the curtain. Ben Carson, who stayed at a Holiday Inn Express and now heads HUD, said slaves were just misunderstood immigrants who were just here to work very, very hard to make a life for themselves.
Finally, we got to see the unveiling of the “World’s Greatest Healthcare Plan of 2017.” Not really, that was a different bill. Instead, we finally got to see what the Republicans were doing in the back room for the past couple weeks. It seems that there was no club from which Rand Paul was not allowed to join. Instead, they were drafting what is being called the Affordable Healthcare Act. They went with that name because the Obama Gave Too Many People Undeserved Healthcare and We Need Fix That Act was too long and it did not poll well in focus groups.
There was much rejoicing from the White House and Mr. Trump gave it his blessing (but don’t you dare call it Trumpcare). But not all is well within Team GOP. The tea party conservatives are upset because this plan is far too generous.
That’s it for this week.